Reflections for Year 2013

A friend was sharing "10 Decisions that will make you happier and healthier" and although its 2 months away from the end of the year, I decided to do a self reflection for Year 2013. 

1. I am being too harsh to myself. 

IQ, average. EQ, average. I am not academically inclined and my circle of friends became smaller (which I think its normal) as the years goes by.  While searching for a marketing position, I knew deep down that I do not have a flair for writing beautifully and I wasn't confident if I am competent for the role. 

My peers in Facebook were either in senior or managerial positions, overseas business trips & postings, going for fanciful holidays and most importantly, in my job that makes them happy. So I started asking myself, why am I so average? 

2. The thing is I have no idea what do I love to do. 

I do not have a set of consistent activities or habits that makes me happy. However, I do know what I didn't want to do, if that helps. In this quarter life crisis, I have no job, not to mention a career.

Since young, I wanted to an SIA stewardess but the fear of being away from my other half and not forgetting I am not a big fan of turbulence, held me back from realising this dream. Now that I am already 26years old, this route is a dead end.

After graduation, I wanted to be an entrepreneur in the F&B industry. Cafes, seasonal pastry sales, catering. But I had no skills nor experience in baking.

3. I cannot be strong on my own.

Being in a relationship makes me feel complete. In the past I have no guts to leave a bad relationship until the tipping edge. Now, I am very happy in my current relationship, he became my sole source of security. I remember those window periods where I was single, the room seemed too empty, bed too big, phone too quiet and every single day, I was looking for someone/something to fill the hours.

Am I addicted to my relationship? Yes.

Now that I am looking out for a job, I am unwilling to apply for those positions that requires me to work on weekends. This is so that I get to spend quality time with my other half over precious weekends. If it is possible, I want to spend every minute and moment with him. 

4. I define success to monetary returns. 

Being an entrepreneur first involves risk taking. I know I have dreams and hopes, but I am unwilling to step out of my comfort zone. I was afraid of failing and hear people saying "I already told you it won't work." If I was going to start a business, I want it to support me till I retire.

"Self-control enables you to choose, and then persevere with your thoughts and behavior, in order to accomplish a goal. It also gives you the inner strength to overcome addictions, procrastination and laziness, and to follow through with whatever you do. Having self-control means the ability to reject instant gratification and pleasure, in favor of some greater gain."

Procrastination. Probably my most fatal pitfall. I always leave things to the last minute, or doing it some other day.

a. Laser : Despite my long anticipation of a clear skin, till now I was afraid the laser would worsen the skin tone.
b. Braces: Since young I have been wanting to have a beautiful white smile but the gap between my teeth was a shame to me. Now I have a fear of looking too stupid in braces at this age and the pain it would cause me.
c. Seasonal Pastry Sales: I surfed endlessly pages of stock images for ideas and even hand drew a logo (for someone not so artistic), squeezed brain juice for the a perfect business name for it. I had a vision of how I wanted everything to look like. But I was afraid that I will not be able to handle the baking on my own. I was also frustrated on why I lacked photoshop skills.



Year 2014. Watch me, I will make the seasonal pastry sale work. At least for Chinese New Year.